More thoughts and aspirin

What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously? A receding hareline.

A day without sunshine is like, night

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all  evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.